Question:
My parents are in their early 80s and thankfully they are physically healthy enough to live on their own without much assistance. Despite this, I am becoming increasingly concerned about my dad. A few months ago he caused a minor car accident. No one was hurt, but it really scared him. As a result he elected to give up driving, letting my mom take over. Even though he made this choice on his own, he has since been in a slump. He is less social with friends and family and he is not participating in his hobbies. (He used to be an avid reader.) My mom doesn’t really notice a difference in his behavior, but I am concerned that he is depressed. Isn’t depression common in older adults? At what point should I insist that he (they) get professional help?
Answer:
Everyone feels blue or sad now and then, but these feelings don’t usually last long and pass within a couple of days. When a person has depression, it interferes with daily life and normal functioning, and causes pain for both the person with depression and those who care about him or her. Doctors call this condition “depressive disorder,” or “clinical depression.”
Important life changes that happen as we get older may cause feelings of uneasiness, stress, and sadness. For instance, the death of a loved one, giving up the keys to the car, or dealing with a serious illness can leave older people feeling sad or anxious. After a period of adjustment, many older adults can regain their emotional balance, but others do not and may develop depression.
You are right that depression is a common problem among older adults, but it is NOT a normal part of aging. In fact, studies show that most older adults feel satisfied with their lives, despite having more physical ailments. However, when older adults do suffer from depression, it may be difficult to recognize, so it often goes unnoticed and untreated. Further, it is often overlooked because they may be less willing to talk about feelings of sadness or grief, or they may show different, less obvious symptoms, and doctors may be less likely to suspect or spot it.
There is a good chance that your father is grieving the loss of his freedom and independence, something that is very common after an older adult stops driving. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish grief from major depression. Grief after loss of a loved one or a significant life change is a normal reaction to the loss and generally does not require professional mental health treatment. However, grief that lasts for a very long time following a loss may require treatment.
Your best option is to compassionately express your concern to both of your parents. Be sure to approach them at a time when they are relaxed and therefore more receptive. If you have siblings, perhaps you enlist their support. They may be resistant at first, but often times a “trial run” may allay any fears. For example, you could suggest one appointment with a social worker or psychologist. Describing that first appointment in a positive way will help break down barriers to resistance to getting help.
Having depression for a long period of time is not a normal part of growing older. But it is a common problem, and professional help may be needed. JFS clinicians have expertise in issues surrounding aging and caring for older adults. We are available for assessments as well as to provide short and long term treatment. We are here to help. Please call us if you have concerns about an aging parent: 518-482-8856.